Hero within

That Rumor

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As I sit and think about everything that has been going on lately in my life it seems as though it has taken an awkward turn, that perhaps for most people would be difficult to move about through life in their same sense of happiness. Not only is it within my life, but friends and clients as well. And it all seems to be stemming from one thing. That not so great rumor that people like to spread.

But here’s the truth. Rumor’s are NOT truth. If someone is willing to believe it then they aren’t worth stressing over in the first place because they were never and could never be a friend. And have you ever noticed that the person who started the rumor and the people who believe the rumor, their lives are so turned upside down at the moment that stress is eating them alive? It’s typically at their breaking point that they find someone to point the finger at and blame and sometimes you find yourself at the end of that finger. For many times, for no reason at all.

BUT, if you are a person who knows you did right. It’s not about being right but doing right. If you know that you have truly done everything, you have done right, and the rumor is simply unfounded and not true, then don’t worry. Don’t get angry. Don’t get upset. Don’t loose sleep over it. Walk with your head held higher than ever before. Simply sit back, smile and let the universe take over.

The ones who know you know better than to believe. The ones who are worth building a relationship upon will know there are always two sides to every story and ask you. The ones who believe the rumor are the ones you don’t need in your life anyways. Rumor’s have a way of filtering out the negative in your life so you don’t have to.

STRESS

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I don’t think there is a single person in the world who can say they have never been stressed. Unfortunately it is becoming the number one killer in North America and living our lives on a daily basis, you simply can not avoid stress! Living in Costa Rica I see and feel a lot less stress as their modo is “Pura Vida” (meaning pure life) and most try to avoid situations that are stressful at all costs BUT everyone is still stressed. I tend to not hang on to stress quite like others. The simple fact is……if there is nothing you can do to change whatever it is that is stressing you out, then accept that and start living again. If there is something you can do to change it, then start focusing on that and start forgetting about the stress. When I am faced with a stressful situation I immediately take steps to solve the situation and start working on it…I also have people who feel that because they don’t live with what I live with and this illness that their stress is not as important or big as mine…..or others…they try to compare themselves….the thing is….if it affects you then it’s all the same. I recently read something about stress that I think sums up what I am trying to say perfectly.

If you hold a glass half filled with water out on your palm, how much do you think it weighs???? The answer is….It depends! If you hold that glass there for 10 seconds, it’s easy and the glass is light. If you hold it there for 1 hour, the glass feels heavier as your hand and arm start to feel weaker BUT the glass did not get heavier. If you hold that same glass for 10 hours, your arm and hand are aching and feel extremely week and that glass feels like a ton of bricks…yet it didn’t change. If you held that glass for more than 24 hours it would seem impossible to go on…yet the glass did not change. Think of the glass of water as stress. It doesn’t matter how big or heavy it is as the longer you hold on to it, the more it burdens you. Think of the effects it has on your body; something that could be so small and light becomes so heavy and painful….and we allow it to. So find your Hero Within and let go of that stress within the time frame of when it is still easy and manageable…not when it becomes detrimental to you and your body.

LIFE WRITINGS

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Over the next while you will see that I am going to start delving into “life topics.” Things that people deal with daily, issues like finances, love, marriage, illness, children, families, childhood traumas, etc….I will not only write about opinion but I will take you through my life experience and how I have triumphed over all and live today full-filled, happy and loved. If there is anything going on in your life that you would like me to write about and discuss, give some suggestions on how to overcome, and to learn how to truly live and love and find your hero within while going through it (whatever “it” is), then just send me a message. It would be my pleasure.

Is Love Enough???

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As I approach my ten-year wedding anniversary and as I help so many people with marital problems today (it seems as though 80% of married couples I know are having “issues”) I am forced to look at what it takes to make a marriage really work. I have been with my husband now for almost 18 years in total and our relationship has certainly not been without problems. We have certainly had our fair share of personal issues, which one day I will write about, but today we are still very much in love. I have had many people ask me if my husband has a brother, or they say things like “MY husband does not love me the way yours loves you.” Although I feel extremely lucky and honored to have the husband I do have, I am always reminded that the grass can look greener on the other side until you get there. I simply mean this in the way of “we are not perfect.” I do believe I am lucky. I do believe I have the best husband in the world and I do believe there is no one out there who could ever treat me the way he does, or vise-a-versa…..however, this is a feeling we should ALL FEEL EVERY DAY! If you don’t, then let’s get you there. So many people settle. The most dangerous things to ever feel in a relationship is boredom and complacency. When you get to the point where marriage is a routine, you’re in trouble. But you can change it. It is ok to set date nights, to give each other lists of what you need and want on a daily basis (eventually those lists are not needed as they become a new habit and a thing the other wants to do simply because they want to make you happy.)

The first thing you need to do is think about and write why you fell in love with them in the first place. What was it that gave you those butterfly feelings? What is it that made you think about them so much that when you were not together that working was almost impossible? What is it they did that made you smile so big and so long your cheeks hurt? You need to remember what gave you that deep down giddy feeling of complete bliss and hang on to those feelings. Rekindle based on those things. Build off of those things. Bring your relationship back to the point where your spouse is the first person you think about when you wake up in the morning and the one you can not sleep without before going to bed. Do whatever it takes and don’t be afraid or embarrassed to say what it is that you need.

I believe there are some rules that all relationships should have. For each couple it differs but I say these are the three most important for everyone:

1) Never go to bed angry. No matter what, talk about it and go to bed holding and loving each other.

2) Never go to bed without one another (unless it is impossible to do so like one is at work, etc..) Even on days where one of you are sick, go to bed to hold them and watch TV from bed while the other sleeps. Whatever it is, go to bed together.

3) No matter what you do, say, think or feel, always do it with the other in mind. Ask yourself this, “How would I feel if my spouse was doing (or feeling, or thinking or saying) this?” If the answer is anything less than completely loved and elated then you shouldn’t be doing it.

I believe LOVE IS ENOUGH! It doesn’t matter the challenge. I have seen relationships of abuse, survive. I have seen relationships of affairs, survive. I believe that as long as a person is TRULY wanting and working on changing and CHANGES then as long as you love them it can work. I am not saying it is easy. I am not saying it is quick. But I truly believe it is worth it. Imagine going from a relationship that no one would ever want and you were afraid or embarrassed to be apart of to a fairy tale relationship that everyone envies. Fairy Tales Do Come True! Fighting for what you need, want and deserve is not only achievable but you are deserving and worth it so don’t give up! Ever!

More on marriage in the future….save what you have now! Find your Hero Within together and have a marriage you deserve!

CANCER…PART 2

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So let’s paint this picture. I’m seven months pregnant, my husband and I have a 4 year old daughter, my husband has a 12 year old son, and we just started the process to adopt a thirteen year old girl. Life was great. Of course not perfect, but as perfect as we thought it could be. I was a teacher, which was my dream since I was 8 years old, my husband had his own legal consulting practice, together we owned a coffee shop….things were simply going well. Then, my 4 year old was diagnosed with a failing kidney….two weeks later I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. Which, as I’m sure you could imagine, being pregnant, cervical cancer was terrible. The mindset you need to take on throughout a challenge like this is totally different than any other IF you want to overcome. Your Hero Within must be present and winning.

Of course my initial instinct was to be scared, nervous, sad…all of the “normal” things to feel…and then comes the anger and questioning “Why? Why me? Why now?”…but you must QUICKLY change that mindset. I had to think of all the reasons I had to live. My baby that was about to be born. Our daughter that needed my hand and hugs as she lay on tables full of needles for testing for her kidney. Our daughter that was about to move in and finally become part of a family, our family. I was needed to be a mom. I was needed to be a sister. I was needed to be an aunt. I was needed to be a daughter. I was needed to be a friend. I was needed to be a wife. I was needed on earth and therefor had to fight and had to win.

When you make this decision, one thing is for sure. YOU CAN NEVER WAIVER! You can NEVER go down the path of giving in. You can NEVER take the path and feel sorry or pitty for yourself and NEVER allow others to either. Once you make a decision to take the path of LIVING you can not even take a glimpse of what the other path looks like. You must have blinders on that allow you to only see the path you are on. This path must be called LIFE.

I believe that 75% of beating anything is all in your mind. Each of us have a power of the mind that we can not comprehend or understand its’ strength but when you need it, it’s there. When you use it, you win. This is part of your Hero Within. Grab it and win! I have been there. I have been at that place where you are looking death in the face and the only thing looking back is death. It’s that moment when your body and mind say “GIVE UP!” but your soul calls back “NEVER!!!” That’s when you win! That’s when you have life! That’s when you have found your Hero Within!

NEVER GIVE UP. MAKE A CHOICE TO WIN. CHOOSE YOUR HERO WITHIN!!!

Dreams

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Do you have dreams? Are they dreams that seem unattainable? Do you dream of incredible vacations, amazing personally designed houses, going to an honored school, having the most amazing and fulfilling job??? Is there anything you dream of that you feel will always stay a dream?

Why do they have to be dreams? Aren’t dreams something your subconscious does during the night while you sleep?

Change the word “dream” to “goal” and suddenly you no longer have a dream but a goal and you will achieve it. When you have a “dream” it stays a dream. When you have a goal, you set smaller goals to obtain the bigger goal and suddenly you have it. So many people waste their lives dreaming….I would like to coin a new term..”GOALING”….it’s taking a dream and changing it to a goal so instead of dreaming you can be goaling.

Let your dreams be something you involuntarily do at night and start achieving goals voluntarily during the day.

Before, During and After Illness

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For those of you who have been, or are ill, I’m sure you will completely agree and understand. For those of you who never have been, I’d like you to understand.

There are basically three different reactions a person has when it comes to illness.

The first is theĀ  “I hope I never…” reaction. This comes from a person who has never been seriously ill and has never had someone close, like a child, be ill either. They listen to people who are ill tell their story and say “I’m so sorry…” And in their head say “I hope I never….”

The second is the “Wow! You are so amazing. I’m so amazed. You are so strong…” reaction when you meet someone who has overcome a serious illness. As a cancer survivor I hear that a lot. Others tend to praise these people, over the top, and look at these people almost like hero’s.

And then there’s the third. It’s the “I’m so sorry for you…” reaction. It’s the reaction you give when you hear about someone being ill now. It’s the pity I hear almost daily having the brain tumor I have. It’s the pity and sadness you feel for someone and wish you could heal them as they are going through something so terrible.

For those who are ill but have found there hero within, they don’t need your pity, they need your normal. For those who are ill but haven’t quite found there hero within, they don’t need your pity, they need encouragement to find it. I for one, as someone who is sick, I don’t need your pity. I am strong. I have my Hero Within. I like encouragement and simply want to help others:)